Any, but short races (ie-gnomes, halflings and dwarves) will have an additional problem to solve.
Tricks & Traps
Non-existent
Roleplay
Medium
Hack & Slash
Non-existent
Classes
Any, but bards might uncover an amusing conversation route.
Scope
Small
DMNeeded
No DM Required
Single or Multiplayer
Single Player
Max Character Level
Any
Max # Players
01
Min # Players
01
Min Character Level
Any
Content Rating
Everyone
Gameplay Hours
<1
Description
This is my entry to the Bioware writers competition. The player assumes the role of someone lost in a blizzard who is searching for a bard and stumbles across a house, which by coincidence, is home to a bard. The problem is however that this one is sleeping, and his servant will take some convincing to awaken him.
It's possible to breeze through this in no time, but don't presume that just because you do that there is little present. Several routes through the conversation may only appear depending on class or race, and it's possible to annoy the servant which will slow things down.
As I spend 4 hours a day just travelling to and from work, this has been a major achievement for me, particularly as I have had to prepare the scripting myself. This simply wouldn't have been possible in what little time I had without Lilac Souls Script Generator. One thing was beyond me though, and that was making the conversation pause when the Quillmaster calls for his servant, but as this is only meant to display conversation skills, I'm hoping that will be overlooked.
It's worth right clicking on some items for further descriptions which help add to the story.
Leave giving the book to the servant as a last resort when trying to appease him, as this is the only item that will cancel all his bad feelings if you annoy him, and there are other means of lowering his annoyance level. Annoy him too much once the book is gone, and you'll never get to see the Quillmaster.
I thrive on story creation. If you want to find out more, visit my website.
Enjoy! :)
Version 2 notes:
***Changes Made***
The Dwarf is no longer angered by the presence of an elf, which may have led to players not knowing why they had offended him.
The Dwarf is no longer angered by those who haven't heard of him.
Success/Fail routes now accessable.
Alternate ending built in.
Spelling corrections and minor dialogue changes.
Deleted Bard/Monk conversation route to allow for Success/Fail visibility taking up extra space.
***Note regarding Dwarf getting stuck***
As I'm not terribly proficient in scripting (all scripting present is done via wizards or Lilac Soul Script Generator), I couldn't figure out how to make quillmaster conversation pause until the Dwarf was present, and depending on where the Dwarf is, he has been known to get stuck. The best way to avoid this so you can see all the dialogue is to follow the Dwarf when he goes to waken the quillmaster so that he stops closer to where he is needed. Simply click on him to continue once he has failed to open the quillmaster bedroom.
Just a quick thankyou to all for your support and useful feedback. For those who are interested, I've just posted a new sidequest in the module section that will hopefully appear within the next couple of days. It involves travelling to the Elemental Plane of Fire on a mission for a potion seller, so look out for it :) _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by War Bones at 2006-03-26 10:52:19 Voted 9.50 on 03/26/06
Despite other reviews criticizing the Quillmaster for using the module as a "resume", I thought the concept very clever. Afterall, this contest is about the reward of a job, so why not use the module as a vehicle for that. But that aside, the characters and writing were well done. My only problem was I couldn't find any alternate ending.
Posted by Brougham at 2006-02-21 15:03:47 Voted 9.75 on 02/21/06
Good use of class and races I had to create some new chars to try this out. Well written and fun. A shame that other contestants voted you down. You must have made them nervous lol
And Kirian, sorry, I guess I've stared at it too long in the little time I have. Would help for any future creations if you could point out where it broke so I can see where I went wrong.
Cheers guys. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by Kirian at 2006-02-21 09:21:17 Voted 7.75 on 02/21/06
This is a nice, tight story, and it is well written (except for a few missing comma's). The puzzles gave me a sense of active participation, which is something I miss in many of the other modules. However, if I am not mistaken the road to successful completion of this mod is very narrow. I had to re-start the module three times, as I got stuck on my first few tries. I'd advise you to avoid those dead ends as much as possible, except when the PC does something deliberately stupid. Also, I found the 'Bioware' premise rather corny, but I guess that's a matter of taste.
Oh, by the way: I played the revised version.
Posted by Caprial at 2006-02-21 09:18:39 Voted 5.75 on 02/21/06
First things first: this module�proclaiming its author as the greatest living bard�starts off with the words �Hale to thee�. First impressions count; I am not impressed with this.
I was really expecting to find some good writing here, an interesting story well told. I looked in vain. The conversations with Gerboss are riddled with problems. It is nice to be able to annoy a character and have him react to you according to your own actions, but you should really play fair with your audience and at least give some clues that this is possible. If he is meant to be a temperamental character, given to mood swings and easily offended, let me know that from the start. Here I am, bursting into his home unannounced, bringing copious amounts of snow into his nice clean hall, and he runs up to greet me warmly (or possibly wish me good health). This suggests a personality that the rest of the his dialogue does not support. When I offered to clean the cobwebs, and then immediately spoke to him again, he demanded an apology for my actions. What actions? On several occasions he seems to think he is repeating things that he never said to me before. These kinds of problems should be easy to fix with a careful look at the dialogue trees.
Despite this, the first half of the module is fun. There is a lot to do and see. The challenge of gaining a meeting with the Quillmaster is nicely set and executed. Unfortunately, once I finally do meet him, the module quickly devolves into simple self-promotion. This is really not fun at all. I am told at every turn that this man is a great writer. What a shame you chose to tell me rather than show me.
Thanks Krit, useful remarks that make a lot of sense. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by The_Krit at 2006-02-19 09:55:33 Voted 7.00 on 02/12/06
It occurred to me that I hadn't given you specific suggestions for improvement, so I'll do that now. First, I'd like to point out that I did not criticize you for having a resume in the story; I criticized you for having a resume detract from the story. I think if you used a little more subtlety, you would have received less criticism -- even from those who say they flat out object to a resume in the module.
So how to be more subtle? Maybe: "Sir Edmund of BioWood seeks a bard for his town." The Edmonton (Edmund's town) reference is easy to miss, but the unusual capitalization makes the allusion to BioWare likely to be noticed. Plus, unlike "BioWare", "BioWood" does not lead one to instantly think of CRPG's and the 21st century. A bit more subtle, no?
Another improvement you could make deals with the web address. Perhaps an incredibly skilled writer could make it fit a fantasy setting somehow, but I doubt it. However, an author's note would be outside the story. You could end your last journal entry with something like "*GAME OVER* Thanks for playing. If you would like to see more of my work, please visit [insert web address]." This would keep your website in the module, while taking it out of the story.
I think if you used a few more tricks like these, you would get significantly fewer objections to your self-promoting.
(BTW, the way I annoyed the dwarf without realizing it was by requesting food.)
Posted by caesarbear at 2006-02-16 22:36:31 Voted 9.25 on 02/16/06
This was excellent. I rarely find characters that demonstrate personality as quickly as Gerboss. I played twice and found Gerboss reacting believably and richly in both variations. I liked the situation, it was well crafted, rather than the pointless wondering through rooms most cRPGs are. I was glad to see the details and decriptions of the environment. Very well done.
However, I didn't completely understand why I was supposed to be in a hurry. Also, the resume gag went too far. Although I did ask for it, it should not have allowed me to step so near the edge of falling out of character.
Overall, this was a great short story mod. Unladen by wordiness, accessable, yet very detailed and crafted, this mod was more enjoyable than most of the contest entries. I hope it gets expanded a bit and reduces the plugging. I got the impression that the Quillmaster alter ego was a bit of a self-promoter from reading his poetry. It would be nice to see some more entertaining references to that in the final confrontation.
For those of you stating the Dwarf doesn't turn up in time to finish the conversation, I did point out in my original notes that I am not a scripter and couldn't figure out how to make the conversation pause to allow the Dwarf time to turn up. The best way to avoid the problem is to wait for the Dwarf once the Quillmaster calls him before continuing the conversation.
As for appeasing the Dwarf if you annoy him, there are several methods of doing so. Just look around and talk to the Dwarf once you have acquired new items or done something new. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by MikeLM9215 at 2006-02-15 21:51:59 Voted 7.50 on 02/15/06
Great fun! I like modules where items get used more than plain conversation pieces. I never did get to use the spider. And yes the conversation broke for me as well after I found the Quillmaster. Gerboss got stuck in the library and never showed up to speak his lines. Couldn't finish the module so went to the editor. Game is linear up to end. Feels like a text adventure. _________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Posted by Kimberlea at 2006-02-15 08:47:35 Voted 6.25 on 02/15/06
I had some difficulty with this module in that it was more of a resume than a piece of writing. The dialogue with the dwarf was good, but not stunning, and when you get to the Quillmaster the writing quality dipped when it should have been at its best.
Posted by Wheldrake at 2006-02-14 10:07:28 Voted 10.00 on 02/14/06
I thought I'd already posted a comment, but don't see it in the comments list. Excellent stuff, as we've come to expect. Loved the dwarf.
Cheers, --- Wheldrake
Posted by The_Krit at 2006-02-12 19:23:52 Voted 7.00 on 02/12/06
Let me start by saying that for the most part, the writing in this module was good. However, there were some things in it that brought down my evaluation of it.
The first issue I noticed was that I was able to break the module on my first run-through. I annoyed the dwarf in our first conversation, and was never able to start the main "Quillmaster" quest. (I was also confused, not knowing that the dwarf was annoyed, much less why he was.) The focus of the contest is on scripting, but when the scripting is an added frill and breaks the module, I think it needs to be considered. (I did give it a second go, and was able to get things moving the second time.)
Another important issue was that using the name "Bioware" made it difficult for me to accept the fantasy setting. This was compounded by the Quillmaster's modern-sounding dialog, and became fatal with the so-called "password", which sent me right back to the 21st century.
One last issue: there is only one ending. The other outcome is being stuck, which is a frustration, not an ending.
Overall, this seemes to be a module by someone who can write, but is prone to be distracted from the task of creating a module that is fun to play.
Posted by Mister_Leebo at 2006-02-12 11:02:13 Voted 5.00 on 02/12/06
I apologize if I'm missing something that the other reviewers have found to be amazing about this module. Whenever my opinion differs from the public opinion on a module I spend some extra time with it to reflect why that is.
SPOILERS!!!
The whole point of this module was to direct the reviewer to other sources to display the author's skill. Works that do not qualify as valid contest submissions. In that regard, there is little gradeable writing within the confines of the module itself. Whether those other works are astounding or not I have no place to say as I did not read them, but the module itself (what little is left when you take out the references to the contest) is not much more than an item hunt.
I'll give you that it was unique to make a contest module that had its plot tilt around good writing but when the module itself had writing that possessed only mediocracy then the premise falls short of its goal. Less of the module should have been devoted to journal entries and puzzles and reallocated to speaking with the Quillmaster and finding out what makes him so good and worthy of a position at "Bioware Isle". How the real reviewers take to these tie ins, I do not know, but as someone who isn't interested in hiring you they didn't impress me.
I agree that another character needed to be introduced. The dog was not a character, just another obstacle to get past. Maybe a harsh contest critic would have made a great 3rd character, in keeping with the contest-within-the-contest theme. :)
Thanks Elorin, you make some valid points maturely put. I must confess that by the time I got to the Quillmaster, I was aware that my word count was running high, so I failed to give him the attention I would have liked to. If I'd have had more time (work eats up about 14 hours of my day on a good day, more if the trains are bad), I would have looked at pruning the Dwarf a little to compensate. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by Elorin at 2006-02-09 13:58:59 Voted 7.75 on 02/09/06
I had to think hard on how to rate this module.
Dialogue: Some (few) mistakes aside, your module shows some good writing.
Character development: Although there were two NPC's, only the dwarf presented himself as a well developed character. I felt he was an NPC that was alive and who had a personality, the Quillmaster wasn't though.
Story: The resume vaguely disguised as a module was a very clever thought, but on the other hand too OOC and way too explicit. You should have put the emphasis on a story first I think. The story is the resume, not the other way around.
Thanks Zackspur, I thought mini puzzles an important element to making it feel like a mini quest. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by ZackSpur at 2006-02-09 07:41:40 Voted 9.25 on 02/09/06
I thought your module was without shame Quillmaster. And that is just fine by me. It was cute and very different. You did a bang up job with the books as well. I thought they were very well writen.
Posted by thegeorge at 2006-02-08 18:54:16 Voted 8.00 on 02/08/06
*echoes Lorft*
Posted by BFlowers at 2006-02-08 18:30:51 Voted 5.00
I noticed the "friend" votes AFTER I played and graded it actually. I really did find the module tedious. I am trying to review dialog, you made it really hard for me to access the dialog by putting puzzles in. You were told to make a dialog-based module for that very reason. You chose not to. I simply marked you accordingly. Just because other reviewers aren't annoyed by having to jump through hoops in order to review your module doesn't make my annoyance at having to do that any less legitimate. If you want to dismiss my comments, that's your right. I just want to assure you, this isn't a personal attack, I really did dislike your module.
"Perhaps if your style of communication was a little less aggresive, you'd have two friends to vote for you too."
I guess it's never occured to you that I *do* have friends and have told them specifically NOT to vote on my module because I am afraid of bias? Besides, the way I see it, honest feedback is a LOT more valuable that one-liner votes of 10. I don't want to win a contest, I want to actually get better as a writer.
Posted by Lorft at 2006-02-08 15:51:46 Voted 8.00 on 02/08/06
Good use of scripting, and some nice mini puzzles, no marks for them though. Overall the writing was light hearted and of a good quality.
However, the poetry and the man from �Bioware� was somewhat grating. The Quillmaster himself turned horribly out of character, which ended the module on a low. As a player I would have liked to have seen more than one real character here.
You were going for the CV within a module, and it may be a good strategy to use with the Bioware judges.
I just checked the rules again, and realised I may have misunderstood them:
"What do you mean by "no skill use"?
The writer can use Persuade or Charm, but not as a character skill-based game action. Rather, simply provide the (success) and (failure) options right in the dialogue box, so that they can be explored by the reviewer, not "played through." "
It was the last bit "not played through", that had me believe it was okay to include them without the script so long as the default success of fail didn't result in the mod being impossible to finish. I took "Dialogue box" to mean within the toolkit and not the game.
Ah well, too late now I guess. At least I learnt something for any future entries. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
*Yawn* When are you going to stop throwing your toys out of your pram?
I can count, I just gave you the benefit of only including those with conversations attached. As for my "Fanbase" giving me an additional 2 votes, I can only presume this is what really motivated you, since no one else has complained of "Irritating puzzles".
Perhaps if your style of communication was a little less aggresive, you'd have two friends to vote for you too.
I've said all I will on the subject, but feel free to drop by and display some more of the "fun" you come here for. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by BFlowers at 2006-02-07 18:17:15 Voted 5.00
"That may well be so, but perhaps without the snark I would have felt more compelled to take it that way when I initially read it."
I'm not here to manage your feelings, I'm here to have fun. Your module was a perfect oportunity to work on my "movie critic" voice. It's not my fault that I enjoyed writing the review a lot more than actually playing your module.
"While it is delivered with a heavy dose of snark, I honestly feel there is good advice in here for you."
That may well be so, but perhaps without the snark I would have felt more compelled to take it that way when I initially read it. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by BFlowers at 2006-02-07 16:52:09 Voted 5.00
You misunderstood my feedback. I didn't take any marks away from you for being over in word-count or under in number of characters. It was simply an observation that, though you used fewer characters than required and allowed yourself more words than were stipulated, you still failed to give your characters any personalities. I found that to be a failing when Bioware said they'd be reviewing whether your characters were interesting as one of their criteria.
Let me explain my marking system. It's like school. You got 50%. That means you met the most basic requirements of the assignment, but failed to impress me in any way. You "passed", but you didn't do well. I considered giving you a lower mark because your scripting unnecessary puzzles into the module made it hard for me to get to and review the dialog. I HAVE given lower marks than what you got, so it's not inconceivable that you could have done worse in my marking system. You got a "pass" because you met the basic, obvious requirements. (being that it had a beginning, middle and end, took place in a 4x4 area, no more than 3 NPCs, and approximately 3500 words, though the last two, in my eyes, are guidelines, not laws, and subject to fudging if it makes a better story).
However, you completely missed doing anything that would impress me. You didn't make compelling, interesting characters to interact with, and you didn't give me a lot of good role-playing choices. Inserting your website into the conversation was a rather obtrusive breaking of the "no modern slang" rule, so even if I had the mistaken impression I was playing an adventure, rather than watching an infomercial devoted to you, my suspension of disbelief would have been broken at that moment. You also completely failed to meet the not-so-clearly-stated requirements of "in the style of a Bioware sidequest", which means FUN TO PLAY, not advertising your cleverness. And the requirement that it be a "writing based" submission. Most of your module hangs together on overly-complicated script tricks that are both unnecessary and get in the way of reviewing the writing! In a competition where we are supposed to be evaluating the dialog, you've made it terribly difficult to do so. I did not play it again (which is REALLY odd since I think I've played every other module I've reviewed at least twice), but I did see the rest of your dialog by opening the toolset. Nothing blew me away. That's an honest review. Sorry you don't like it.
As for you reviewing me back and whether or not you were impartial, I'm soooo very not worried. It's a foregone conclusion that I won't be winning the popular vote. I don't have a fan-base (or is it friends) who will sign up to these boards specifically to give me a high mark and never be seen or heard from again. This is my first attempt and I am just here for feedback. Incidentally, I had 5 characters, not 4, sorry you don't appear to be able to count either. I'm aware that I bent the rules and I don't have a problem with that.
As for your comment "There's no way a simple mod like this can get anywhere near to displaying my talent to the full, so I treated it as more a marketing excercise in an attempt to say "Go look see what else I can do".", let me put this simply... if other writers can display talent within the confines of the requirements, how exactly do you feel the demonstrating your inability to do so will be a good thing for you? I know this seems harsh, but put the 5 away, put this module away and try to read what I'm saying. When they ask for a writing sample, and they get over 300 to review, they want a writing sample, not a resume. They're busy people, they're not likely to try to navigate your website looking for this great writer you say you are. Give them exactly what they ask for and you stand a much better chance.
As for your comment to Zog about it not being broken... it is, or rather, you didn't do it the way it was asked. You're supposed to have "(persuade success) PC line" and "(persuade failure) PC line" so a reviewer can easily view both results and select which one they want to see. "defaulting to success for playablility" means they can only see one option in gameplay, which is not correct.
While it is delivered with a heavy dose of snark, I honestly feel there is good advice in here for you. Do with it as you will.
I've played it and it works fine. The "End Dialogues" you refer to are the results of copies and paste links before the nodes were complete, but if you check the lines they link to there is more. They certainly carry through in game mode for me. Most bizarre :/ . _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Hmmm, after reading your last post Quillmaster I went into the toolset to check the module myself. It appears that all of your linked files for the bluff check, etc., are all marked with end dialogue.
The link is messed up in them... If I had selected the right options (which contained the original dialogue you wrote and then pasted as a link later) I could have gotten through.
Your pasted links at that point are flawed for me however. They are flawed in the toolset when I look at them and they were flawed when I tried to play the game itself.
Perhaps it is just me... Or maybe others just picked the right path that didn't have the broken links. Still, give it a check for yourself to make sure.
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