Posted by Champion9x at 2006-03-31 16:20:05 Voted 10.00 on 03/31/06
Excellent story, well written, much better than most of the mods here.
Posted by Coleary ( 69.197.xxx.xxx ) at 2006-03-31 16:14:53
Great mod, excellent work.
Posted by Arik at 2006-03-19 05:01:12 Voted 8.50 on 03/19/06
This module really, really does desperately need a better opening. The first conversation doesn't pull me in it all. Which is a shame, as the rest of the module is really funny, with interesting characters, a good background and a strucurally good quest. There's a lot of potential here.
Posted by Althernai at 2006-03-09 22:26:16 Voted 9.75 on 03/09/06
This mod is quite amusing. Not much backstory to the protagonist, but the dialogue is funny and well written -- in effect, there are twice as many characters as you can see.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-03-09 20:30:39 Voted 9.25 on 03/09/06
I agree with Kirian and Caprial. This was a very funny module with clever dialogues and strong NPCs personalities. The evil pathway was a bit redundant, but given the contest word limits, I guess it was difficult to flesh everything as desired.
Posted by Kirian at 2006-03-01 14:58:45 Voted 8.50 on 03/01/06
I agree completely with Caprial, but my vote is a bit higher than his/hers because this mod acually managed to make me chuckle. The line: 'int/wis check: Oh, you're speaking in haiku!' was absolutely brilliant. Oh no wait, maybe it was silly, not brilliant. Or was it was silly because it was so brilliant? No wait, the other way around? Ack! Where's that potion of mindpoly?!
Posted by Caprial at 2006-02-21 23:04:42 Voted 7.75 on 02/21/06
I would have scored this higher if you had drawn me into the story sooner. The opening conversation with Telin is very dry and really doesn�t pique my interest. I�d also like to see stronger motivation for the PC. It appears I�ve just wandered into the tavern by chance, and don�t know these people at all. Give me a reason to want to stay and help them; make me care about them in the first conversation.
It�s a pretty simple story here, with not a lot of motivation for the PC, but the dialogue is entertaining and well written. There are some very funny lines in this module. The characters are well written. They each have a distinct and quirky personality that stays true throughout the story. Donello in particular is a lot of fun. I think you have real potential as a writer.
Updated two tiny typos and one silly sentence. 10 out of 12 people probably wouldn't notice.
Posted by Aelin at 2006-02-18 09:52:43 Voted 8.00 on 02/18/06
Nice one!
Well writen and funny, with well characterised NPCs.
Posted by The_Krit at 2006-02-17 21:37:23 Voted 7.50 on 02/17/06
This module is supposed to be a comedy, right? The atmosphere wasn't set right for me, and I didn't realize that some lines were supposed to be funny until well after the fact. Otherwise, this is fairly well-written.
Moving on to some (mostly minor) issues that could be improved: I chose a conversation path (with Donello) in which I said the leader was crazy before I had a reason to know that fact. It was a little odd that I didn't have to give the first NPC my name, but I did have to tell the others. You might want to check the spelling of "Colleague".
Posted by Quillmaster at 2006-02-16 13:30:25 Voted 7.75 on 02/16/06
Conversations were good. Not the best I've seen but almost on par with them. I couldn't make up my mind whether I found the wizard amusing or irritating, but the overall story was well told and it was nice to see the different personalities evident, so overall, it was a good effort. I did however feel I was just using "continue" with the dialogue even though options were present, so maybe some work could have been done on allowing for different personalities participating (from the player point of view). _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by MikeLM9215 at 2006-02-15 21:40:05 Voted 7.25 on 02/15/06
Only got one of the endings but it was fun. Will play the other version tomorrow. Still, choices are limited too much. Like to see these guys on adventure while Fafhrd and the Gray
ouser look on. _________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-02-09 15:05:01 Voted 7.00 on 02/09/06
7.0 THE SHATTERED BAND: (83RD TESTED MODULE)
My intention is to give feedback on both the writing (competition) and design (not necessarily competition) for every module I have the chance to play. NB: Judging any material is always subject to personal taste. I have tried hard to be as objective as possible and apologise if I have appeared harsh in any of my scores. Also remember this is only my opinion; Bioware�s is the one that counts!
WRITING: This had a slow start; I was to go and get a meal. Then I learned more about the trio and the situation. The setting for the story felt a little strange though (perhaps to suit the comedy). The writing was arranged for a comical piece, which, as I have said before, I prefer to come second in a fantasy adventure. I did like the premise, and would have scored it higher if the setting and the atmosphere had been different. If I had fallen upon the trio just after the Mind-Flayer battle and was needed to help the group in some way, I would have enjoyed both the pace and atmosphere more.
DESIGN: An inn - chosen to suit the comedy I suspect, but I think something more exciting could have been used.
FINAL: I thought the idea was a good one. I like the reference to a group of adventurers. This would have been better though if the player had had more immediate involvement when the Mind-Flayer incident had occurred, rather than after the fact as a comedy piece.
MY SCORE SYSTEM (IMHO):
< 5 Not up with the competition.
5 - 6 Average.
7 - 8 Above average.
> 8 An exceptional piece
SCORING FACTORS (IN ORDER OF MY PRIORITIES):
GRAB FACTOR: How quickly am I involved in the action? Do I have direction?
PLOT: Is the story engaging? Is subject interesting? Varied conversation choices?
CHARACTERS: Are they easily identifiable? Are they rounded/memorable?
SPELLING & GRAMMAR: Is the text easy to read? Are there quite a few errors?
OTHER FACTORS (MINOR INFLUENCE): Design for atmosphere & scenery, including sounds & props. Quality of module stability; does it break easily? _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by PyreXXX at 2006-02-08 17:04:42 Voted 8.50 on 02/08/06
Great module!
It was fun, although I got hints of some modern sounding dialogue in there. The pacing speed increased a little towards the end, which was nice, because the beginning was somewhat slow. Even thought the dialogue was good, I didn't really feel any sort of connection with the characters per se.
I did laugh at a few lines, which is great, although I found the dialogue options were quite limited at times - no doubt to you being close to the total word count.
Really well done, a favorite of mine so far. :)
Posted by thegeorge at 2006-02-08 12:59:25 Voted 8.50 on 02/08/06
I seem to have come upon a string of parody entries. In comparison, I think this one holds up pretty well.
Posted by Ythaniel at 2006-02-08 07:10:20 Voted 8.50 on 02/08/06
Started off really slow. I almost exited the module after that incredibly mundane first conversation with Telin. I was glad when I finally got to Donello though. The characters were really fun and the plot, along with its variations, were pretty amusing. The prose was great. I think the pacing was the thing that hurt this module the most.
Posted by emperorzog at 2006-02-07 13:40:53 Voted 9.50 on 02/07/06
This was a really good piece. I am impressed with your work Eric. I love a module which gives me the ability to play a fun evil character.
The writing was great and so was the story itself. There is not really a lot for you to lose points over. The only reason you don't get a 10 from me is that I just didn't feel that OOMPH factor here. It is that certain magic that happens with some games you know?
Where you say to yourself, this was REALLY great. From a technical sense you did a great job... There was just a little SOMETHING missing that I can't get my finger on... Still, this is one of the highest scores I have given out. Great job!
This has been my favourite one so far. :) The dialogue was clever and entertaining, and had me chuckling in several places. Good work on the alternate good/evil outcomes, too! Bad guys always have the most fun. ;) I played through twice, then had to use the toolkit to see what I missed. :)
The 'bad':
I see you went *slightly* over the wordcount, which is unfortunate but not that much to worry about IMO. I would have liked to see more dialogue options at times, but with the wordcount that would have meant sacrificing a chunk of the story. There was only one typo that I noticed ([wimpers]).
All in all, definitely fun to play and a pleasure to have run through. :) _________________________ Link
Posted by Rainox at 2006-02-04 13:43:03 Voted 10.00 on 02/04/06
Interesting and unique characters (especially Donello). Different endings aren't just slight variations but very different (evil endings are awesome in this).
Posted by Criispin at 2006-02-02 09:32:56 Voted 9.25 on 02/02/06
Excellent!
This will be the first vote over 8.00 I've given in this competition. Your humor added much to my score. You gave your characters enough quirks to be memorable. Feels like more of something to be found in world of warcraft than NWN, but that's fine with me.
The only thing I take away points for is that I didn't see a reason for the option of lying about the wizard's mind being eaten. If you would drop some lines about how if maybe he were killed you could gain access to his treasure or something I would see the motivation.
There are 3 possible endings, with one that allows the player to choose a reward. I think it's strength and weakness is that you can't see everything with one play, and that even with all three endings you might miss a cute line here or there.
Enjoy!
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