Thanks for taking the time to do a review. I read over your comments and I'm wondering if perhaps you've skimmed over the writing as opposed to outright reading it. The nobleman whom you received the quest is not a King... therefore, his son is not a prince. The changes from I/we is a standard use of language when dealing with people who may be using the "royal" "We"...
I'm a little bit bothered that perhaps you may have missed a lot of the nuances of the writing itself - taking it on a more simplistic approach than it was actually written for. Otherwise, I agree with your other comments.
thanks again
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-13 07:10:22 Voted 5.25 on 03/13/06
5.25 KW � ANIKA�S CURSE (210TH TESTED MODULE)
This is my updated scoring system structured around the format provided by Bioware. The final score is still consistent with my old system, but I hope to give clearer feedback within the new guidelines. NB: Judging any material is always subject to personal taste. I have tried hard to be as objective as possible. Remember, this is only my opinion; Bioware�s is the one that counts! If you believe I have scored your module unfairly, or I have missed something of importance, please email me at �[email protected]� and I will consider any comments made.
All nine Bioware points can score a maximum of 1 point each, leaving 1 point for my personal interest/like of the module.
Text of Module: (1.5 out of 3)
The Writing: (I do not scan the writing looking for errors, but if I notice something while reading it, I will note it here.) I noticed misuse of punctuation, misuse of capital letters, strange sentence structure and change of person perspective � I to we. (0.25)
Characterization: The king was reasonable, but the other two were not as good. (0.5)
Dialog Flow: There were moments of long text to read, but otherwise fine. (0.75)
Concept & Execution: (3.75 out of 6)
Originality/Creativity: This was another �rescue� quest that was average in the telling. (0.5)
Logical Flow: The �stripped� style was distracting. I think the design should have considered this in the telling. (0.5)
Drama: Learning of the witch and the kidnaps were dramatic moments. (0.5)
Pacing: Trying to rescue the prince (and then Anika and their offspring) all added pace. (0.75)
Character Development: There was some development of the NPCs. (0.75)
Multiple Paths: I will assume three endings. (0.75)
Conclusion: Technically, this module scored average in the writing in my opinion. (1.5/3) The story scored above average in my opinion. (3.75/6). My personal score is 0.0 out of 1.0 because I did not find its style exciting.
MY SCORE SYSTEM (IMHO):
< 5 Not up with the competition.
5 - 6 Average.
7 - 8 Above average.
> 8 An exceptional piece
PERSONAL SCORING FACTORS (IN ORDER OF MY PRIORITIES):
GRAB FACTOR: How quickly am I involved in the action? Do I have direction?
PLOT: Is the story engaging? Is subject interesting? Varied conversation choices?
CHARACTERS: Are they easily identifiable? Are they rounded/memorable?
SPELLING & GRAMMAR: Is the text easy to read? Are there quite a few errors?
OTHER FACTORS (MINOR INFLUENCE): Design for atmosphere & scenery, including sounds & props. Quality of module stability; does it break easily? _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Gregcason, thanks for your review. I'm not sure where you get the impression this is pulled from a larger module - that is actually not the case. This was started completely from scratch. In terms of module design (scripting/coding) I'm not very good at it at all - my primary focus is with writing, and seeing the guidelines for the rules, I submitted exactly what was asked for.
Thanks for your views anyway, as I said to Kirian, I now know that a module with better -gameplay- is often expected and I'll focus on that a little more next time.
Posted by gregcason at 2006-03-05 06:51:37 Voted 6.00 on 03/05/06
This is obviously quickly stripped from a larger module. You would have been better off trying something from scratch.
Obviously, the setting makes no sense for some of the characters.
The rules state that there is no combat. You have no combat on screen, but saying "And then the witch is defeated and the child is saved" is a cheap work around.
After I finished the quest, the other characters were "unaware" of it and started their conversation threads over again. Sloppy.
On a positive side, while I think this is a poor effort for this contest, I think you are likely a good module writer. I'd like to see the full version.
Thanks for your comment Kirian. I actually tend to agree with you, now having played other modules and seen what others did, that my work pales when it comes to the actual -MODULE- aspect of the contest. However, I was very literal in my interpertation of the rules and went for writing style, dialogue and efficiency over scripting, events, and "fun". This is my first time entering this type of contest and now that I have a better idea of the expectations, I think my next entry (should there be one) will try to fulfill more of those expectations.
Thanks again for reviewing my module!
Posted by Kirian at 2006-03-03 06:46:48 Voted 6.50 on 03/03/06
I am ambivalent towards 'stripped' modules like this one: on the one hand it is true that this contest is about writing, but on the other hand I think it is also about showing that you can make an interesting and enjoyable module that flows naturally and logically. Your writing certainly isn't bad - as a minor point: I dislike the use of **'s to indicate actions (I know it is common usage in multiplayer mods, but it does not look professional in a real mod). However, in my view the writing cannot make up for the the fact that this is no more than a set-up for a module, not a module in itself. Also, the story itself was rather predictable and unoriginal.
Wow, thanks for the slew of votes guys. appreciate the comments too! :D
Posted by teamname at 2006-02-28 18:12:23 Voted 9.00 on 02/28/06
Short but sweet. A very concice, in depth and exceptionally written story although a little brief. I especially liked your 4 alternate endings. Overall, an excellent job despite the limitations given to you!
Posted by JasonC at 2006-02-28 14:03:04 Voted 9.25 on 02/28/06
Story was great! As someone else said (can't remember the name) the scenery wasn't right, but the purpose was to judge writing, not scripting. Even says so in competition rules! So by the writing, I say 9.25.
Posted by slayerofdragons at 2006-02-28 11:33:33 Voted 8.50 on 02/28/06
story and writing was good. could have been longer though i still liked it.
Thanks for the comments MikeLM. I also noticed you posted a link for my module on the forums. :) Thanks for that - hopefully I'll get a few more votes before the competition closes.
Posted by MikeLM9215 at 2006-02-25 16:21:45 Voted 7.25 on 02/25/06
Really liked the writing and the story. Four endings. Would like to see expanded into a small module.
_________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Thanks for your comments theGeorge and Aelin! I was following the guidelines for the writing contest exactly as stated. It said that only 4x4 room was allowed within the module to tell the whole story! So that's what I did - used only one which sort of made sense for 2 of the NPCs, but not the third :( Hopefully it won't count against me too much.
Thanks again!
Posted by Aelin at 2006-02-23 12:32:28 Voted 8.00 on 02/23/06
A good story, but in the wrong scenary! Laugh.. a complete trip without leave the center of the room. :)
Anyway, the story, the dialogs and the NPCs' characterization are OK. Nice job.
Posted by thegeorge at 2006-02-22 10:17:29 Voted 8.75 on 02/22/06
I'm sure presentation counts for something, but the writing itself seemed quite solid.
I admit that I really wanted to have 4 NPCs, but I wanted to follow the rules too. I see from other people's submissions that some people went over the 3 NPC limit, but I don't know if they're going to be disqualified. It would have been very nice to have had the chance to play out Anika's character as well, but alas, limitations. :/
Posted by Terewan at 2006-02-10 22:07:09 Voted 8.75 on 02/10/06
I feel it would have been better had he been able to include another NPC, but it worked well despite the limitations. Dialogue well done, and although story was predictable, still very entertaining.
Posted by craigwb at 2006-02-10 10:48:25 Voted 10.00 on 02/10/06
Thanks for the feedback :) I was sort of stupid and didn't realize I could incorporate description in dialogue panels till after my submission... Duh.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-02-08 07:04:43 Voted 8.25 on 02/08/06
An interesting scenario, although it was easy to predict the different outcomes. Generic setup could at least be completed by NPCs description. Innkeeper dialog options didn't acknowledge information already provided to the PC.
Posted by sioux at 2006-02-05 22:33:55 Voted 8.00 on 02/05/06
a short but well written piece that shows how dialog can be done well without any fancy scripts or tricks. maybe a little too linear but works for the writings sake. characters had personality, good job.
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