Any - your companion is level 13 for illusory purposes only.
Races
Any race is playable, but assumed to be human.
Tricks & Traps
Non-existent
Roleplay
Heavy
Hack & Slash
Non-existent
Classes
Any
DMNeeded
No DM Required
Single or Multiplayer
Single Player
Max Character Level
Any
Max # Players
Any
Min # Players
Any
Min Character Level
Any
Content Rating
Everyone
Alignments
Any - though the word "hero" is used occasionally, wicked choices are properly available.
Gameplay Hours
<1
Description
This is a place where gods die.
...On your journey, you have sacrificed much, leaving friends and family to uncertain fates. You have fought your way through the human armies of your immortal enemy and faced all kinds of nightmarish magic you never imagined possible. Forced literally underground, you struggled with spectral and clawing figures in burial chambers long-forgotten. At last, you've emerged from the endless catacombs into a temple of sorts...
READ THE README before voting. Updated February 10.
Readme file. Read it for explanations & apologies. As of February 10, includes text for the second ending's journal entry - this was not being properly displayed for all paths before.
Posted by santissimo at 2010-12-17 10:42:50 Voted 5.00 on 12/17/10
just my vote
Posted by kieranquin at 2006-09-21 08:49:58 Voted 8.50 on 09/21/06
Well done. _________________________ KQ/rjh
Posted by Yanos at 2006-08-25 08:59:30 Voted 9.75 on 08/25/06
very good
Posted by Brentai at 2006-03-31 22:36:24 Voted 9.00 on 03/31/06
Well, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were a professional already. The story, the dialogue, and even the bits of humor all "clicked" like a polished product should. The only problem is there's only one genuine plot branch, and it's not even within the scope of the module. That doesn't bother me so much but in the context of the contest it's a definite shortcoming. Otherwise, totally solid.
Posted by Taly ( 212.106.xxx.xxx ) at 2006-03-30 05:18:48
Great. Thanks!
Posted by Redbeard_219 at 2006-03-22 18:53:58 Voted 6.00 on 03/22/06
Questions after sacrafice should have related to the sacrifice, rather than all the branches.
=====================
Modules rated: 69
Average: 5.91
Standard Dev: 1.48
thegeorge and Berra, thank you very much for the compliment. No, I won't be making this into a full-length mod. Though I would love to work on a game someday, I don't have the time to work on an unpaid project. If things change, I'll let you know.
Mister_Leebo, the phrase used was "grabs your hand, swift as a blade," which is a normal metaphor, not a mixed metaphor. Awkward and imprecise, yes, but not mixed. I would have liked to include more Cyne as well.
Mike, I'm sorry you felt that way. But as you know, the contest had a very strict word limit, combat was not allowed, and the Aurora engine has little capacity to show an entire room being buried under the earth. Additionally, Bioware has had no trouble, in any of their games, placing the protagonist in a place where they are not allowed to kill everyone in order to bypass a problem. Baldur's Gate 2 is full of such situations, and in fact, in Knights of the Old Republic, PCs can only initiate combat when the developers specifically allow them to do so.
Lance, "traveled" is not a misspelling. I take exception to the idea that there were a significant number of punctuation errors and words added in the wrong place, as well as such an excess of dashes that their usage became grammatically offensive. The dialogue options that "shouldn't have been available" were left open on purpose, but I understand if their availability was off-putting.
Boozehound Blue, your idea is an interesting one. I can assure you that not a single friend or acquaintance of mine rated my mod (unless they created a secret identity and did not tell me, and for whatever that's all worth coming from an anonymous internet person). Several knew about it and a few of those played it, but decided it wouldn't be fair to vote on it. Also, I don't think anyone is attempting to rate me negatively as a form of sabotage, either. I am amused that the majority of the low votes come from other mod-makers, and concerned that most of my votes are 6s and 9s, with comparatively fewer falling in between, but only a few of the comments seem suspicious (and those are mostly the high ratings).
In response to multiple comments, why, yes, the plot made perfect sense in my head. I should have given myself more time to think it over. Ultimately, I wish I had gone with more of a straightforward, simple, side-quest plot.
Thanks for the feedback, it's been interesting.
Posted by Boozehound Blue at 2006-03-20 13:28:45 Voted 10.00
The writing here was very good, as was the character development. The scope of this mod was too large for a side quest. Not really sure what the outcome was. This was perhaps a close to end climax in a much longer story. (8.25)
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-14 11:36:58 Voted 6.00 on 03/14/06
6.0 A FORGOTTEN TEMPLE (215TH TESTED MODULE)
This is my updated scoring system structured around the format provided by Bioware. The final score is still consistent with my old system, but I hope to give clearer feedback within the new guidelines. NB: Judging any material is always subject to personal taste. I have tried hard to be as objective as possible. Remember, this is only my opinion; Bioware�s is the one that counts! If you believe I have scored your module unfairly, or I have missed something of importance, please email me at �[email protected]� and I will consider any comments made.
All nine Bioware points can score a maximum of 1 point each, leaving 1 point for my personal interest/like of the module.
Text of Module: (1.25 out of 3)
The Writing: (I do not scan the writing looking for errors, but if I notice something while reading it, I will note it here.) I noticed misuse of punctuation (including dashes overly used and missing full stops, missing question mark), poor sentence structure (even some words added or in the wrong place at times). Also sadonic > sardonic, traveled > travelled. (0.25)
Characterization: Cyne was quite good, but the spirit was just confusing. (0.5)
Dialog Flow: This was confusing at times. There were things I wanted to ask that I could not because I did not know what the situation was. E.g. The god and his power, but he was now dead. Also there were some options revealed that should not have been there after I made a sacrifice. I sacrificed �fear�, but there was nothing to chose from to say so. (I guessed it was meant to be the �sacrificed bravery� option. The wrong image is displayed when Cyne is supposed to be talking, which confused me. (0.5)
Concept & Execution: (4.0 out of 6)
Originality/Creativity: The death of a god, which was quite well done. (1.0)
Logical Flow: I was too confused at the end. The dialog flow left me short of logic as a whole. In particular, there was no indication that I was going to be making more than one sacrifice, and my avatar did not react when I did. (0.5)
Drama: There were a number of dramatic moments throughout. (1.0)
Pacing: The pace started well, but slowed halfway through. (0.5)
Character Development: I did not notice any NPC development, although the story behind the god showed some. (0.25)
Multiple Paths: I have assumed at least three endings. (0.75)
Conclusion: Technically, this module scored below average in the writing in my opinion. (1.0/3) The story scored above average in my opinion. (4.0/6). My personal score is 0.75 out of 1.0 because I did like the idea and felt like there was a reasonable story here. Unfortunately, it fell apart in the telling and was quite hard to understand exactly what was trying to be achieved at the end.
MY SCORE SYSTEM (IMHO):
< 5 Not up with the competition.
5 - 6 Average.
7 - 8 Above average.
> 8 An exceptional piece
PERSONAL SCORING FACTORS (IN ORDER OF MY PRIORITIES):
GRAB FACTOR: How quickly am I involved in the action? Do I have direction?
PLOT: Is the story engaging? Is subject interesting? Varied conversation choices?
CHARACTERS: Are they easily identifiable? Are they rounded/memorable?
SPELLING & GRAMMAR: Is the text easy to read? Are there quite a few errors?
OTHER FACTORS (MINOR INFLUENCE): Design for atmosphere & scenery, including sounds & props. Quality of module stability; does it break easily? _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-03-09 12:32:42 Voted 9.25 on 03/09/06
Revised, after further mods'reviews.
-------
An excellent preview of what could be a great full-length module. The explanations provided by the spirit about the nature of the god after all the PC would have to fight to reach his temple left me speechless. My only complaint would be it had the same effect on Cyne, whom advice on this turn of events I would like to have before making any sacrifice. This NPC had a really good start but fell into shadows too quickly.
Dialog options with the spirit after going to the altar were too broad, but I understand this to be a design choice to display all options at once, which would be implemented differently in a final version.
Posted by Mister_Leebo at 2006-03-04 14:02:00 Voted 7.50 on 03/04/06
I don't know if I have the updated module or not, it's difficult to keep track of so many submissions.
Several sentences are quite ackward and some contained some interesting mixed metaphors (I recall at one time Cyne grabbed my hand like a swift blade... so she chopped my hand off? lol) which could have been re-done. In general the writing was above average but I think would have benefitted from being proof-read before release by somebody who hasn't been staring at it for a month.
While Cyne herself was interesting, she didn't have much input during the meat of the story, choosing instead to speak a lot at the beginning and end. It would have been nice to see her presence a little more spread out (assuming you don't kill her I guess).
The story is decidedly epic but the purpose of the contest isn't to write the most epic module so I can't really give or take points on that.
The Wisp did feel more like an information box than a character, however, due mostly because of the sheer volume of information the author wanted to get across to us. I would have definitely tried to keep the Wisp's general purpose while cutting out a lot of what he says because this part really dragged along for me at a slow pace and, given the scope of the module, I didn't really have the desire to connect with the poor diety's plight because I knew it would end before I got to him.
Ultimately, it's easy to tell that this story belongs in the middle of a larger campaign, which would connect some emotions to the decisions you have to make. The sacrifice list needs more purpose (it felt extremely random and abstract to me) and in general the module would need more reasons for me to want to care what happened to the god by making it relevant to the solution I'm looking for.
Overall I can see the potential but I can't give points for potential. I've got to grade on what it had when I played it.
Posted by Kirian at 2006-03-02 10:26:01 Voted 7.25 on 03/02/06
An interesting module! You managed to convey an 'epic feel' and a sense of real complexity. No small feat for a module as limited in scope as this one! The tale of the god was touching, and you told it well. (Even if I am not fond of stories with lots of interference with and by gods - they are too often used as (literally) Deus Ex Machina - but that's a personal preference.)
Now, on the downside: the story did not start too promising in my view. It took me a while to get into it, and I had to overcome a strong urge to quit pretty early. I was quite peeved about the fact that the module forced me to make profound sacrifices without really knowing why. And why did these particular choices for sacrifices come up? My character certainly would not have come up with them, and no-one actually TOLD her that these were her choices, so where did they come from?
A technichal point: in the final conversation with Cyne the dailogue is suddenly taken over by the whispy figure. That is to say: from the context it clearly is still Cyne that talks, but the portrait and name are that of the ghost.
Posted by Maerdicul at 2006-03-01 22:16:03 Voted 9.25 on 03/01/06
good story. creative ideas. good dialogue. i have no problem with long storytelling - if it's a tale that draws you in - and it did.
Posted by Glacian_ at 2006-02-28 19:44:29 Voted 9.50 on 02/28/06
Great writing. No grammatical errors that I noticed. A few awkward sentences that made sense when I re-read them several times. The background information in the beginning was handled well through the journal entry and the spirit's greeting. That made the priest's exposition-heavy conversation near the end all the more disappointing.
Posted by Kenrae at 2006-02-28 13:07:46 Voted 9.50 on 02/28/06
Impressive writing and story. I liked the fact that you had to make some sacrificies to go on, since that is what life is about, isn't it?
Posted by thegeorge at 2006-02-25 13:23:27 Voted 9.00
Now that I've finished playing all of these entries, this one still sticks out in my mind. Like others have mentioned, I'd like to see this developed into a full module. Let me know if I can help make that happen.
Posted by MikeLM9215 at 2006-02-23 20:30:11 Voted 6.75 on 02/23/06
Certainly started out good. First-rate NPC interaction. But then you have to sacrifice a part of yourself. I'd bury the place under 100 years of earth first. I guess augury or prescience were out. Be hard to continue main quest without your abilities, especially as they weren't given back. And any sacrifice gives power to a god you wish to kill. Never would fall into that trap.
_________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Posted by JohnSnow at 2006-02-21 15:37:26 Voted 9.75 on 02/21/06
Sorry I didn't vote earlier. I didn't realize you needed to be regisere heh. You did a great job.
~Elrond
Posted by Brougham at 2006-02-21 14:37:57 Voted 9.50 on 02/21/06
Good writing skills and even better plot design. Needs a clever player to pick up complexities. One of the best in the contest.
Posted by Berra at 2006-02-18 15:02:48 Voted 9.75 on 02/18/06
Just left you a vote of 9.75 :) Are you planning to create any other modules? If so, please let me know. I would be really interested in play it :D
Again, good work! _________________________ /// Berra (Hall of Fame, Reviewer's Award and Golden Dragon Winner):
Everyone: your VOTES are highly appriciated. A vote is like gold for an author. No kiddin'. ;)
Posted by Berra at 2006-02-18 15:00:57 Voted 9.75 on 02/18/06
Excellent writing. This could turn into a very interesting campain (which I'd love to play), if the author wished. Good work! _________________________ /// Berra (Hall of Fame, Reviewer's Award and Golden Dragon Winner):
Everyone: your VOTES are highly appriciated. A vote is like gold for an author. No kiddin'. ;)
Posted by Sheyandaleth at 2006-02-15 14:09:46 Voted 9.75 on 02/15/06
That's one damn good story.
Posted by alklau at 2006-02-10 20:59:09 Voted 8.25 on 02/10/06
Nicely written - only a couple of problems perhaps for me. I felt I missed out on a lot, as we're dropped in the middle, with little background. Also it felt unfinished, but then we're glimpsing the middle of your story. But I still felt drawn into it. Would like to see it as a full-length module!
I've uploaded a new version of the module. One major bug has been fixed so that there's a proper ending for all paths, and several extremely tiny grammatical mistakes have been corrected. Additionally, Cyne's axe has been renamed to "Cyne's axe" from "Greataxe +3," which hopefully isn't spitting in the face of the update rules too much.
Cheers.
Posted by JAG at 2006-02-09 05:05:10 Voted 7.75 on 02/09/06
Well done! I would like to see it completed as well.
I appreciate the comment, Elrond. I'd also appreciate it if you could vote so that my score wouldn't appear to be quite so pitiful.
Posted by sioux at 2006-02-05 22:20:32 Voted 6.25 on 02/05/06
could have prob been good in a larger scenario, but hard to take on its own. theres alot of exposition that could be done with out that makes this heavy but its def a cut above average.
Posted by RobFaeth at 2006-02-05 11:20:02 Voted 7.25 on 02/05/06
I feel you have some really good writing and story-telling abilities. I'm not certain, however, just how much they really shine in this piece. I'll go ahead and elaborate.
Cyne's dialogue didn't seem refined to me. Were you wanted her speech to be a little disconnected? If so, that's fine, but I found myself re-reading a few of her lines to figure out exactly what they meant. To word order and word choice just seemed a little out of place. Even with that being said, however, she was a character who I would have liked to know more.
I thought you had an excellent epic story here, and the entire "sacrifices" thing was quite good. However, by no stretch of the imagination was this a complete story. Not that that's even necessarily a bad thing; just that it didn't entirely comply with the rules of the contest. In the end, though, I wanted to play more, and see what came before this. Obviously a good thing, if you can keep my attention for the story, and make me want to keep going.
The dialogue with the ghost REALLY dragged on at points for me. Even in this time, however, it was good writing. The sad thing about the module is that it's so incomplete. Because you did so much exposition, we didn't get to an ending. I find no sense of conclusion, and that was frustrating. If there'd been a little more to the story (and if I'd had a sense of conclusion), you may well have gotten an 8.5 or so (which would have been equal to the highest score I've given out). Sadly, we didn't get that, so, here you go.
Another strength you had was that it felt like the player was really in control of the dialogue, and I felt you had lots of good options.
Really good work, overall. I'd love to play your future works!
Site
at 2013-05-02 19:35:39
at 2006-03-14 11:36:58
at 2006-02-25 13:23:27
at 2006-02-23 20:30:11
