A healer has been killed at the local asylum and now you are trying to find out what happened. (This is a small scenario written for the "Bioware Writing Competition".)
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2008-03-07 03:41:07 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Berra,
Thanks for your vote. :)
It's good to see that people are still enjoying this little competition mod that I made.
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Berra at 2008-03-04 15:18:25 Voted 10.00 on 03/04/08
I really enjoyed your module and I think it had a very mysterious and disturbing story that falls quite nicely in my tastes. :) And I didn't find anything perticulary wrong with it, so I'll give you a full 10. Well, the only thing wrong with it would have been that I wanted more once it was finished. :D
Well done! _________________________ /// Berra (Hall of Fame, Reviewer's Award and Golden Dragon Winner):
Everyone: your VOTES are highly appriciated. A vote is like gold for an author. No kiddin'. ;)
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-04-01 02:29:09 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
The_Krit,
Thanks for your vote.
I appreciate the feedback. I know what you mean about playing as close to FPS as possible. I also try playing it that way and have had similar problems in the past. :(
I am not good enough at scripting to manipulate the camera though ... maybe it is something I could look into.
Thanks again.
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by The_Krit at 2006-03-31 19:45:22 Voted 8.25 on 03/31/06
This is an enjoyable module. The player gets a little railroaded in the beginning, but the ending makes up for it. (By that I mean the last dialog, not the comedy sketches at the end. The comedy was an amusing touch.)
I appreciate the scripting also, even though that's not part of the competition. One request though: camera control. I play with the camera at the PC's head (almost first-person view) and couldn't see the NPC who came up behind me in a cut scene.
I don't know if the votes have been counted yet. I'll get in two more votes if they'll let me.
Posted by flaminjoel at 2006-03-31 13:16:46 Voted 8.75 on 03/31/06
Nice mod but story was not that nice why I was hitting my head against that cupboad constantly. However you can do all these fancy things with your coding or whatever so mod looks better than it really is. After Momento and Sixth sence, your idea is the first thing people will thing- !!!!!!
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-03-31 08:16:08 Voted 9.00 on 03/31/06
Revised after further mods' reviews. And thanks for finally providing your scoring template ;)
------------------
Innovative approach with a twist, that succeeded to make me forget the rough start. Very funny closing remarks, which reminded me Toy Story's bloopers. Consultation of the records only provides info on known nicknames. Dialog options with the second NPC felt very oriented and could offer more flexibility.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-03-31 08:07:22 Voted 9.00 on 03/31/06
Ah, a rare moment of fresh air in the heavy fumes of that last day of the contest. Thank you Lance for taking the time, and the risk, of providing us with this thorough review of your own module.
I'm not saying I agree completely with your assessment, as for many prior reviews, but you have the right and the courage to express your opinion and I respect that. Cheers to you, and don't let people like Cat_lover get the better of you.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-31 01:58:54 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Cat_Lover,
I have no idea who you are ... and I guess it would be best to stay that way, as you do not appear to have any taste, decorum, manners, or general niceness.
My ten will not get me anywhere near the top five. I am guessing you are just some sore loser ... somewhere.
I guess I'm just a dog ... who hates cats. Meoow!
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Boozehound Blue at 2006-03-30 14:42:46 Voted 10.00
Nancy Smith, bah!
"Let slide sweetly, the transformations of the thinking."--Jack Kerouac
"I'll always be a word man. Better than a bird man."--Jim Morrison
"When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer"--Walt Whitman
Stick that in your fussbudgety bonnet, Nancy! ;)
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-30 13:38:39 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi All,
Well ... I have decided to vote for myself for a few reasons....
1) It will become the 50th vote.
2) Others have done so.
3) More people appear to read this area than the comments.
4) I want to redress some of the negative comments/votes.
The competition is nearly over and now I receive some low votes - as I was expecting. ;)
I have tried to be open and objective on all my comments and would have liked to think that I gave each module I looked at a reasonable play. I have even offered to correct my scores if an author has thought my judgement to be unfair. At least I gave that chance, whereas many of those (not all) who have scored me low have remained anonymous.
As I have said in previous posts (probably missed) some of my comments made in the section below will be taken out of context, as the posts originally made by voters have been updated, leaving my comments addressing those points inaccurate and irrelevant.
As I say in my votes to any I have judged, the final say will be up to Bioware.
So, good luck to all ...
Lance.
For Herrjeff � and all those interested. ;) �
10.0 DEALING WITH MADNESS (233RD TESTED MODULE)
Text of Module: (3 out of 3)
The Writing: (I do not scan the writing looking for errors, but if I notice something while reading it, I will note it here.) I did not notice any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors or typos. NB: I did notice some in my first draft (after posting it), but since we were allowed to update the module, I believe I squashed them all in the second draft. I may be �word blind� to my own work though. (1.0)
Characterization: The characters were very memorable due to their quirky personalities and quick to identify names. The personalities were developed through other areas of the game and not just through dialog as well. Interestingly, these characters (even though easily identified with) could quickly change according to the plot route taken. Yet, they would still fit according to the roles they had been given. Mad or genius � you decide. (1.0)
Dialog Flow: Short concise texts with a selection of choices where appropriate. At first one may have thought the responses a little too harsh, but after the nature of the problem is revealed, we can see why the responses were as they were. They acted as further clues to the underlying nature of the PC�s problem. (1.0)
Concept & Execution: (6.0 out of 6.0)
Originality/Creativity: I have not known or played any other module where I was the one who was either mad or under the influence of another person without knowing it. This may not be everyone�s idea of fun, but I believe it was certainly original for a computer game. The fact that the player could change the story depending on the route they chose to take (trust the healer or not), also added a dimension to the module that I have not seen in any other I have played (to date). (1.0)
Logical Flow: Regardless of the route you played the module, the logic was always sound � even for a madhouse! (1.0)
Drama: I covered this in the complementary text: Finding the note, reading through the tome, and getting past the combination locked door all added to moments of drama throughout the module (1.0)
Pacing: We are thrown into the game immediately. For some, it is a moment of madness as they try to get to grips with what is going on, but for others, it is the adrenaline rush they need to keep up the chase of the murderer who is always just a few steps ahead. I liked it. (1.0)
Character Development: Depending upon the route taken, the development of the characters changes. The PC definitely changes, to the like or dislike of the player � I liked it. I have not seen multiple-path NPC development in any other module. Whether this is good or bad, I don�t know. I liked it though. (1.0)
Multiple Paths: Tied closely to the plot and character development. Three paths are clearly shown at the end of the module. I have allowed an extra 0.25 for an ending I was not expecting. ;) (1.0)
Conclusion: Technically, this module scored high in the writing (3/3). The story scored high in my opinion (6/6). My personal score is 1/1 because it is my baby. ;) _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-30 13:14:35 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Herrjeff,
I will see what I can do. :)
The only reason I did not do so was because it may have appeared too ... well, you know? But, as you have asked so nicely, I will try to write something to tag onto the comment that I have already made.
I will try to be objective, but I think that it will be impossible. :lol:
Besides, my complemetery text sort of does the same thing really.
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by sekhar at 2006-03-30 12:19:59 Voted 8.50 on 03/30/06
Good effort. Solid writing. Whodunnit style. But all funny bits come after module is played through. Nice scripting.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-03-30 11:47:47 Voted 9.00 on 03/31/06
Please, no, don't spoil the suspense that have been bringing me back to your page over the past weeks. I want to see the "LanceBotelle Detailed Review(TM)" of this module, not a general assessment or the Agrigak-style. Let me refresh your memory:
Text of Module (3)
- The Writing
- Characterization
- Dialog Flow
Concept & Execution(6)
- Originality/Creativity
- Logical Flow
- Drama
- Pacing
- Character Development
- Multiple Paths
Personal Appreciation(1)
Posted by hazylium at 2006-03-29 11:30:38 Voted 6.00 on 03/29/06
Some of the writing was good, but overall I didn't enjoy all the running around I had to do, the beginning was a bit too confusing and the characters didn't seem too interesting to me.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-24 04:11:19 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Agrigak the Uncaring,
Your vote is very kindly received. :)
Its timing is like water to a parched mouth.
And your name belies a fairer soul at heart. :)
Thank you.
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-23 14:20:13 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
THE FICTION WRITERS' HANDBOOK (BY NANCY SMITH)
[QUOTE](Page 47) STYLE: "Here, let me remind you that a simple style is best. Nothing annoys me more, when readinga work of fiction, than to find it littered with obscure words that I have to keep looking up in a dictionary, thus disrupting my involvement in the story. Sometimes, too, there is an obvious attempt to be "literary" which merely becomes obtrusive (one can easily fall into that trap). Avoid, too, complex sentence-structures which force the reader to go back to the beginning to get the sense of it. Aim for a smooth, pleasing-to-the-ear, as much as to the eye, way of saying what you mean."
Therefore, from what you said, I would take it that my writing does have "style" in the proper context of writing and was simply missing what you interpreted to be "style".
This is where you will have missed the point of "style".
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-23 09:55:31 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Robert Moon,
You have:
1) Misunderstood my module.
2) Taken my comments to TW7 out of context.
First, the module gives very good reason as to why you have been incarcerated - Did you reall play the module?
Secondly, TW7 originally gave the module a score of 2.0, which were the reasons for my initial (uneditable) comments. As, even now, I still see comments (like yours), which obviously struggle to play a module properly. :(
I won't thank you for your vote because none of your comments are accurate. :(
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by RobertMoon at 2006-03-23 09:41:56 Voted 6.00 on 03/23/06
While the scripting and cut scenes were great, this contest isn't about scripts and cut scenes. It's about writing, and I found the writing to be rather plain and boring. There was no... style to it. Just declarative statements without any character to them. They felt like recitations of subject, verb, period; subject, verb, period.
The story itself was irritating. I can't stand adventures where the author has imposed jailing of any kind upon my character. To impose such a circumstance presumes the PC was incapable of escaping capture, or, as in this case, was susceptible to mental illness / curse / what have you *and* could not evade capture. Same holds true for imposing opinions, emotions, thoughts, and other things that should be left up to the player to decide.
Also incredibly irritating was the voice in my head that I was forced to converse with. Rather than restate everything twh7 said in his review, I shall simply incorporate it 100%.
Finally, I didn't care about any of the characters -- not even myself. So when the ending came, it was unfulfilling.
That all said, I *still* rated this a 6.0, which is above-average but clearly below some of the 10's you received from some. You seem to take the criticims of twh7 very hard and personally, so I hope you understand the intent in reviewer feedback isn't to upset you or otherwise cause consternation. It's supposed to help you grow as a writer and author. Please take my comments accordingly. Best of luck to you in your future writing.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-22 04:05:13 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi BB,
[QUOTE]Firstly, you have made a considerable number of grammatical errors. At least six. [/QUOTE]
I am not above reproach � I have never said I was. In fact, I have admitted that anyone can be �word blind�, especially with their own work. The important point here, however, is that you point these errors out to me so that I can improve on my work.
[QUOTE]Secondly, I can�t see how this could possibly succeed as a side quest. A main quest, yes; but, coming into a �side quest,� I know my memories. I know who my PC is and where they have been. Therefore, I don�t like it when I have to rediscover myself, and I don�t like having a familiar/unfamiliar voice talking in my ear.[/QUOTE]
If anything, that is why it can serve as a side-quest. You are correct in that you do believe you recall your memories, but either because of insanity or a Suggestion spell, your recollection is wrong. After all, does a madman know he is mad? I know someone under the power of suggestion does not know it. ;)
[QUOTE]I did suspect Blather as being Dark Heart; but, after going upstairs to confront the alleged Dark Heart, I found myself locked-in to suffocating her, without even knowing the effect it would have. [/QUOTE]
Incorrect. You are NOT �locked-in to suffocating her�. You can choose to trust her. You obviously just did not have the trusting nature to play it that way. ;)
[QUOTE]Be very glad that most do not share the exacting standards you have used in no less than three modified scoring systems, or you would find yourself in the very same position you�ve greatly helped put dozens, if not hundreds of other modules in. I strongly suggest you reconsider those scores, using your absolutely phenomenal rating of �Alesmoke� as your guide. That vote just BLEW my mind, coming from you. (Have reviewed 60 mods thus far) [/QUOTE]
This makes no sense! How can I use a scale that scores a module 9.0 to score another one that I previously scored a 2.0 with a different value? It simply does not add up. My systems have remained consistent throughout. I admit that my last system does average the score out for the lower scoring modules. However, the overall effect remains consistent as I do break the score down further with modules scoring 7.75 or greater.
Lance.
P.S. I know there are no original quests. I have never denied that. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Boozehound Blue at 2006-03-20 22:36:41 Voted 10.00
Oh, yeah. "This was a [whodunnit/whodunwhat] quest, of which I have seen many..." Sound familiar? Like I said, there are no 'original' quests.
Posted by Boozehound Blue at 2006-03-20 22:21:46 Voted 10.00
****************SPOILERS***************
Firstly, you have made a considerable number of grammatical errors. At least six. Secondly, I can�t see how this could possibly succeed as a side quest. A main quest, yes; but, coming into a �side quest,� I know my memories. I know who my PC is and where they have been. Therefore, I don�t like it when I have to rediscover myself, and I don�t like having a familiar/unfamiliar voice talking in my ear.
I did suspect Blather as being Dark Heart; but, after going upstairs to confront the alleged Dark Heart, I found myself locked-in to suffocating her, without even knowing the effect it would have. Bummer. This story is quite original, the characters were relatively well developed, and the writing is decidedly above average. (8.5)
Be very glad that most do not share the exacting standards you have used in no less than three modified scoring systems, or you would find yourself in the very same position you�ve greatly helped put dozens, if not hundreds of other modules in. I strongly suggest you reconsider those scores, using your absolutely phenomenal rating of �Alesmoke� as your guide. That vote just BLEW my mind, coming from you. (Have reviewed 60 mods thus far)
Posted by imported_beer at 2006-03-19 18:40:21 Voted 10.00 on 03/19/06
Actually, after playing a few more modules, I'll revise and give this a 10. It never took away from the spirit of PnP, never became a "pretty" but meaningless game, every action seemed linked directly to quest as well to something larger. You are a great DM in absentia. Kudos.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-19 07:31:45 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Arik,
Thanks for your vote. :)
Making the alternative-reality endings was a deliberate decision to allow a branching storyline depending upon the player's choice of actions. I guess you knew this though.
I thought of it this way: If a player did play the game without replaying, then the experience would be different for different players � and it was this that I hoped might add appreciation to its overall creativity (as two stories in one). It is not necessarily something I would have done in a bigger module, but I thought it was worth doing for the competition. :)
Thanks for appreciating the start of the module. There were one or two others that quite liked it as well, but as you say, the majority appeared to prefer the ending. It just goes to show how players� interests differ.
The after-endings were just bonuses, as you probably know by now. :)
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Arik at 2006-03-19 04:24:36 Voted 8.50 on 03/19/06
Weirdly, I got the opposite impression from this to a lot of people. I thought the opening was great - you're quickly introduced to Karl and you aren't slowed down by an unnecessary introduction, simply allowed to take the situation as it comes. The earpiece device allowed for a very interesting flavour. The maze-like structure of the lower level, combined with the dialogue of "Blather" and the lack of opening exposition created a feeling of not having all the information that your character should know, of the mind being constrained - and this adds enormously to the denoument. It's all immensely clever.
It's the ending I don't like so much - or rather, I like it enough, but not so much when I replayed it. Having alternate realities for different endings is a massive peeve for me, as I think it detracts from the integrity of the storyline - given the theme of the module, the idea that the PC could have literally branched off into one perception of reality could have added to the module's effect, but as it is the impression was of a DM fudging his rolls. I also wasn't a fan of the ending skits, which weren't my idea of module funny. Still an enormously classy module though.
Posted by imported_beer at 2006-03-18 14:52:52 Voted 10.00 on 03/19/06
It is obvious when these games are played to figure out who has been playing CRPGs all their lives and who have actually done PnP. I actually liked the fact that I did not have to try different options to get an immersive experience. Afterall when did we ever get to find out what different rolls did to our game in the past. I like that you respect the imagination and intelligence of the player without trying to drive home the obvious. The ending skits were definately PnP as I played them in a different media. Made for a more satisfying resolution.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-18 13:51:04 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Helden,
Thanks for your vote of confidence. :)
I am glad that you found it enjoyable. :)
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-18 13:49:42 Voted 10.00 on 03/30/06
Hi Tyrannus,
I am sorry you did not like the writing. I am guessing that you simply did not like the story, as it is not clear if you found anything technically wrong. :(
BTW, didn't I just vote on a module done by you .... I cannot see a connection to your name though.
Lance. _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Helden at 2006-03-18 13:45:07 Voted 10.00 on 03/18/06
I liked this one a lot. Imaginative, with a good solid storyline that kept you moving nicely through the module. The plot twists were well thought through. The writing was good with no obvious spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. I liked the different endings and the post module conversations the characters had, that was a nice touch. This one deserves to do well.
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