Really? Generally, I wait a couple of days for their servers to cool off before downloading a patch, but I'll hop on tonight and take a look. Thanks for the heads up, herrjeff.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-04-27 04:01:45 Voted 8.50 on 02/04/06
Eh, I just note a wink to you (afaik) in the recent Bioware's 1.67 Demo. You shouldd have a look, if Jay hasn't told you about it yet.
Posted by Kirian at 2006-03-06 16:59:30 Voted 7.25 on 03/06/06
A lighthearted adventure. Personally, I would have preferred a more serious, sinister tone, considering the emotional nature of the situation. As it is now, you did not really make me care for either of the NPC's. Nick seemed to be completely superfluous: I had the feeling he was only there to fulfill the Bioware demand of three NPC's.
Also, I agree with other commenters about the problem being solved too easily and abruptly.
Still, this is a good piece of work, with decent writing.
Posted by The_Krit at 2006-03-04 12:24:22 Voted 7.50 on 03/04/06
This is generally good, even though there are a few distracting typos. I don't like the way the beginning is so predetermined, but once you get the cameo, the options open up. Actually, they open a bit too much. Somehow, my PC knew about the clasp and Jeremy's history without being told about either.
One other minor annoyance: Clane says "Please tell me you see her." and the conversation ends. I decide to tell him I see her, and he says "Thank you! I'm glad that's over." A little more continuity checking would help this module.
I'm voting for my mother's module. 8) I think it's awesome.
Posted by MikeLM9215 at 2006-02-12 16:52:47 Voted 7.25 on 02/12/06
Good story. Like the plot twist. And the use of an item. However, Nick doing a lot of the talking violates rule about player being in control of conversation not other way around. Still, better than average. _________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-02-11 14:07:01 Voted 7.50 on 02/11/06
7.5 THE SPIRIT�S CLASP (100TH TESTED MODULE)
My intention is to give feedback on both the writing (competition) and design (not necessarily competition) for every module I have the chance to play. NB: Judging any material is always subject to personal taste. I have tried hard to be as objective as possible and apologise if I have appeared harsh in any of my scores. Also remember this is only my opinion; Bioware�s is the one that counts!
WRITING: Lucky Lady 100! (Qualifying tested module.) I did like the idea, but the final outcome seemed a little abrupt. I was not overly convinced by the reactions of the NPC�s to the spirit. (I would like to have seen the responses reflect a more serious/cautious tone than the approach used by the author.) The writing was clear and precise, although I did see a couple of errors that caused me to have to read the sentence a couple of times. (Probably just typos, but they were distracting.)
DESIGN: You are inside a tomb. Good use of webs. Atmosphere did not match the tone of the writing in my opinion.
FINAL: I felt that the author could have worked the mystery a bit harder. Couple this with more references from the NPC�s to make the environment feel more sinister and it would have worked better in my opinion.
MY SCORE SYSTEM (IMHO):
< 5 Not up with the competition.
5 - 6 Average.
7 - 8 Above average.
> 8 An exceptional piece
SCORING FACTORS (IN ORDER OF MY PRIORITIES):
GRAB FACTOR: How quickly am I involved in the action? Do I have direction?
PLOT: Is the story engaging? Is subject interesting? Varied conversation choices?
CHARACTERS: Are they easily identifiable? Are they rounded/memorable?
SPELLING & GRAMMAR: Is the text easy to read? Are there quite a few errors?
OTHER FACTORS (MINOR INFLUENCE): Design for atmosphere & scenery, including sounds & props. Quality of module stability; does it break easily? _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Quillmaster at 2006-02-11 09:46:00 Voted 8.00 on 02/11/06
Not bad. Interesting story with some well written dialogue, although there were a couple of lines that didn't read quite right for me. I would have liked more interaction from the companion who felt like he had character but failed to use it to the full potential. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by relo614 at 2006-02-09 11:33:00 Voted 10.00 on 02/09/06
Great story, great dialogue. There should be more modules of this kind
Posted by relo614 ( 208.18.xxx.xxx ) at 2006-02-09 11:30:54
t story, great dialogue. There should be more modules of this kind
Posted by Kytor at 2006-02-08 13:47:58 Voted 9.50 on 02/08/06
I loved how the characters and the story came to life within the 10 minutes I spent playing this. I rated his module highly, due to the story that was far from dull, and because of the underlying sense of subtle humor that caught me by suprise and had me chuckling... always a good thing, in my opinion. So, um, Make More Modules! :)
Posted by thegeorge at 2006-02-08 11:24:27 Voted 9.00 on 02/08/06
Serves as a nice writing sample - didn't break any rules, etc.
Posted by teabiscuit at 2006-02-06 19:30:40 Voted 8.75 on 02/06/06
Very entertaining! I liked the amusing things the PC could say, and the different ways to resolve the quest. It wasn't terribly deep, meaningful or emotional, and I appreciated that very much after playing through many submissions which attempted deep meaningful emotion. An alternate way to end the quest would have been nice, as would a little more input from the NPCs, but it's great as is.
In the version I played you could ask the ghost about Jeremy's clasp even if you hadn't gotten Clane to talk about it, but maybe that's been fixed. Anyway, lovely work and I'd like to see more too!
Due to the recent rule changes, I've decided to go ahead and address several technical issues that have been pointed out in the reviews so far (thanks!).
- Updated Clane's description, since I wrote the original one before I decided to have the ghost spawn in. Doh!
- Corrected the check for if you talk to the ghost and complete the quest before talking to either Clane or Nick. I still recommend talking to Clane and Nick first, but now it works as designed. ;)
- Corrected a couple of typos.
Please continue to play and review! If you review the older version because you downloaded that already, that's fine too. :)
Posted by Aliera at 2006-02-05 11:43:24 Voted 8.00 on 02/05/06
Very nicely done, and i can see this idea working inside a larger mod. It would have been nice if Nick could say a few lines no matter what choices you pick, but yeah. Great stuff.
Posted by LordNiah at 2006-02-05 10:45:54 Voted 8.50 on 02/05/06
Lady, you should be working on more modules! I really liked this one. Your style is very witty and the plot is a good one. You also do a good job of conveying the different characters. My only problems were with a few typos, one scripting error at the end (which doesn't count for this purpose) and some minor formatting issues. Very good job.
If you are logged in to the Vault, the vote link should be just a little below the score up and to the right of the module entry.
I added a screenshot, for what it's worth.
Many thanks to those that have given such great feedback and voted so far. There are three endings left after my trimming for length. Did you find them all? :)
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-02-04 06:41:07 Voted 8.50 on 02/04/06
Interesting scenario, with a good opportunity for role-playing, especially with respect to the relation between PC and one NPC. I tried two different ways to complete the mod, finally leading to the same result. Dialog options and descriptions can be incoherent if you diverge from the author's "storyboard" (e.g. right-clicking on NPC before seeing the spirit)
Posted by Irian at 2006-02-03 03:06:07 Voted 9.50 on 02/03/06
Ok, now I can cats my vote: I really loved it, the characters worked very well and it was fun to read.
Posted by Irian at 2006-02-03 02:58:38 Voted 9.50 on 02/03/06
And how do I cast my vote? There's no Score button?
Posted by Jan ( 213.39.xxx.xxx ) at 2006-02-02 15:09:11
Very well done!
Posted by Meerclaw at 2006-02-02 05:22:34 Voted 8.50 on 02/02/06
I feel that this is the contest module with the best writing that I have played so far. The characters are believable and the conversations very funny, liked the ability to play a bit of a smart alec character but felt that in general one or two more conversation options at some points would have made the mod even stronger.
Overall, 8.5/10
Posted by imported_beer at 2006-02-02 00:30:57 Voted 6.50 on 02/02/06
I know I am voting against general opinion here, but the integral NPC of this tale leaves much to be desired. Yes, it is a *very* interesting story, but solve the mystery and she goes "Oh yeah! I am dead. I shall be going now!" It really liked the story but kept feeling that a lot could have been done with it. What if Nick was Jeremy (he was so derogatory towards `desserters"), what if Clane was Jeremy reincarnated...why not push the envelope instead of merely making it a `find an item' and `begone ghost' quest. The writer obviously has a feel for mystery and romance, and I didn't think this module showcased her best abilities.
Posted by andrewghost at 2006-02-01 22:30:04 Voted 7.00 on 02/01/06
There were definite high points to this module, and then there was trouble.
High Points: The plot was simple, yet effective, and the PC choices were entertaining and interesting.
Trouble: Despite some fascinating and fun PC dialogue, the answering NPC's fell flat. Nick, though he makes a strong showing at the start, fades into the background, while Clane receives too little screen time to even make an impression. Finally though persuading the ghost to let everyone go had some clever twists (Especially getting Nick to lie), the ending was ultimately the same.
Overall: Good PC writing. Flat NPC's (Always consider the question: Why should the Player care?). Lack of Player effect on the Module. That said, I liked it anyway.
Posted by emperorzog at 2006-02-01 21:32:15 Voted 8.50 on 02/01/06
I really enjoyed the module. I would rate it as a GOOD but not GREAT work. Let me break down the points for you.
First, you did a good job in the writing with only a few typos and grammar/spelling errors. I enjoyed the characters (I was left with a STRONG sense that you read romance novels! With your all gruff, but ruggedly handsome Nick! Hehehe.) I also liked the setting and the plot itself.
I did notice a few bugs in the game though, which could have been fixed had you played through it a little more yourself. For example if I get the cameo and talk to the spirit before Clane, then after the spirit left Clane still goes through the conversation about giving the clasp to the spirit to get her to leave him alone. There were a few other times as well that the dialogue went out of order for me. Still, given that I don't judge it from a scripting perspective I think you had a great idea and a good execution of it.
I feel you might be able to put together some interesting and dark romances for us, and I for one think we need more of that in the gaming industry.
Posted by Nariko at 2006-02-01 15:15:35 Voted 9.50 on 02/01/06
Yay! I liked it. Even though the ending was kind of abrupt. I thought there was gonna be more. But I was sadly mistaken. -sniffle-
Posted by Vance at 2006-02-01 14:58:38 Voted 10.00
Definately needs to be made into a 'full' module, or a sub-quest within a module around the theme. There are many hooks to continue with. Well done.
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