I've mostly kept it free of D&D, FR and NWN-specific material, but there are a few hangovers (like the save vs spell and the insight markers).
Gameplay Length
It was a small module to begin with, and I had to cut 2000 words out. Do the math :)
Number Players
Single player only
Language
English
Level Range
Any
Races
Any
Tricks & Traps
Non-existent
Roleplay
Medium
Hack & Slash
Non-existent
Classes
Any
Scope
Small
DMNeeded
No DM Required
Single or Multiplayer
Single Player
Max Character Level
Any
Max # Players
01
Min # Players
01
Min Character Level
Any
Content Rating
Teen
Alignments
Any
Gameplay Hours
<1
Description
Now in Vanilla! If anything doesn't work, please tell me and I'll get right on it.
Following several thinly veiled threats upon both his life and that of his family, Lord Samuel Byron has employed you to escort his son, Peregrine, to his city home at the King's court. You may consider childminding a demeaning use of your talents, but it always pays to ingratiate yourself with noblemen. Armed with a picnic basket, Perry has led you into the woods for lunch... unfortunately, the trail appears to have vanished a while back. It looks like you're going to be looking after the boy for a while...
Dialogue is largely conversational rather than interrogatory, so there are plenty of opportunities to miss it. To compensate, I've tacked a "dialogue mode" onto the end that will allow you to explore all the conversations at leisure.
Updated 26th February for minor spelling and grammar, hopefully a bugfix and the vanilla version. Aside from obvious mistakes I've resolved not to change the content, for better or worse, in the interest of fairness to my reviewers.
Posted by Arik at 2006-04-23 10:05:14 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
It's clearly ridiculous that this module's on the front page for needing more votes to hit the Hall of Fame, so here's one more so that it can sink. I'm giving it the closest mark to the average trimmed score. I'm sorry - this module doesn't deserve to be up there with the other NWN mods, but I don't have the heart to give it a one :)
Posted by Arik at 2006-04-01 04:31:04 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
The_Krit, you're right that there could have been more to do in the opening section. I don't think the transitions were all that time consuming - I've played a lot of contest modules, and they generally take the same amount of time to play as my testers took to play this. Still, if the setting and character failed to arouse your interest in the opening then I guess I'll just have to do better next time.
Posted by The_Krit at 2006-03-31 16:21:17 Voted 5.75 on 03/31/06
The limitation of the area size was (I think) intended to keep the modules small and quickly playable. The faked transitions foil this intent. (And I felt this intensely as I try to squeak in a few more reviews before the deadline.)
The story starts slow, undirected, and unmotivated. (Why would I agree to a picnic during an escort mission?) Eventually, things pick up, but by then I lost interest.
Posted by Arik at 2006-03-30 03:43:51 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
It's the last few days of the contest, and there have been some gratifyingly positive comments. I do hope you played and enjoyed my module, Agrigak. That way I'd feel a bit better about such a high score. Like I do about Ryam_BaCo's score, especially coming from another contestant - I can't get enough of that kind of praise. Thanks!
Shiara - I know you've got high standards, so the positive review is very much appreciated. The boy doesn't give you any nuts if you tried to keep him from climbing the tree, but he still climbed it - this was one of the decisions I dithered over. If you could actually stop him, then that would be a strengthening the element of choice, but it also kind of added to his character to have him run off. I hope I managed an effective compromise.
Silevran - it's good to find someone who liked the statue. I hope the opening walk wasn't too tedious - I'm now thinking it would probably have worked better if the environment was more responsive. All part of the learning experience.
Interestingly, 6 of my highest reviews now come from contestants, as opposed to 5 of my lowest. What a positive community!
The walking was tedious, and I had no idea where I was going. I sorta understand what you were aiming for, but it did seem a bit too much. The writing's pretty good, and I particularly liked the responses that the statue gives.
Posted by Shiara Grey at 2006-03-27 19:29:32 Voted 8.75 on 03/27/06
As in many of my favourites, the pleasure in this module came more from the writing and characters rather than from the plotting or execution per se.
There were a few problems--I didn't get offered chocolate cake the first time, and Perry climbed the tree, but did not get any nuts, but overall I found it entertaining. Even though this particular module may have had its problems, it's clear the writer is very competent and I'd like to see more.
For sheer participation and quality.. Thanks for the hard work..
Posted by Ryam_BaCo at 2006-03-22 13:04:38 Voted 10.00 on 03/22/06
wow! this was the best module i've played so far! the dialoge was excellent, entertaining and humorous. the overall setting and useage of just one area - gosh, very creative! i'm loving it! _________________________ A Bet, A Corpse A Corpse, A Vote
Posted by Arik at 2006-03-22 07:54:09 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
BB, you found the story. If you found the "children" then you reached the critical point of the plot. You could have finished it few conversations from there. You thought I was going to keep you walking forever? The "repeating area" is part of the plot, also - you don't have to like it, but it serves a purpose within the story, on narrative and metanarrative levels. Although if it didn't work, that's OK.
I appreciate that you're trying to play through an enormous amount of modules in an extremely short space of time, but I hope you give the other modules you play the benefit of the doubt. Who knows - the authors might actually know what they're doing ;)
On a lighter note, a relatively good review from Lance. Thanks Lance! It's a bit late in the contest for me to look for miscapitalisation, but it's good to know at least.
Posted by Boozehound Blue at 2006-03-22 05:04:18 Voted 10.00
Well, from your comments it sounds like you�ve found a loophole. Unfortunately, I�m not willing to traipse around a repeating area until I find a story to critique. Talked to a total of 3 NPCs, all children. �Henchman� boy seemed to be developing. I just gave up. With many mods to review, I don�t have time to find your story. Hopefully the judges will. (5) Perhaps will further review later on.
Posted by Lance Botelle at 2006-03-13 15:18:12 Voted 7.75 on 03/13/06
7.75 CAKEWALK (214TH TESTED MODULE)
This is my updated scoring system structured around the format provided by Bioware. The final score is still consistent with my old system, but I hope to give clearer feedback within the new guidelines. NB: Judging any material is always subject to personal taste. I have tried hard to be as objective as possible. Remember, this is only my opinion; Bioware�s is the one that counts! If you believe I have scored your module unfairly, or I have missed something of importance, please email me at �[email protected]� and I will consider any comments made.
All nine Bioware points can score a maximum of 1 point each, leaving 1 point for my personal interest/like of the module.
Text of Module: (2.0 out of 3)
The Writing: (I do not scan the writing looking for errors, but if I notice something while reading it, I will note it here.) I noticed misuse of punctuation, misuse of capital letters (typo?). Also alright > all right. (0.75)
Characterization: The lad was good, but the statue/children were weaker. (0.5)
Dialog Flow: I found it difficult to understand what the statue was or required, but otherwise fine. (0.75)
Concept & Execution: (5.0 out of 6)
Originality/Creativity: An original abduction story. (1.0)
Logical Flow: I was too confused at the end. I left uncertain as to what had happened. What was the spirit�s interest? Was it related to anything I was doing now? (0.5)
Drama: There were a number of dramatic moments throughout. (1.0)
Pacing: The need to keep the boy safe (and returned) kept the pace well. (1.0)
Character Development: There was development with the children. (0.5)
Multiple Paths: This appeared to have quite a number. (1.0)
Conclusion: Technically, this module scored above average in the writing in my opinion. (2.0/3) The story scored above average in my opinion. (5.0/6). My personal score is 0.75 out of 1.0 because this one was cleverly done. (I know it is not about scripting, but I did appreciate the author�s use of space.) Furthermore, the added moments of drama and pace throughout kept me involved. NB: I have assumed the two children were part of the �spirit� with regards to NPC count.
MY SCORE SYSTEM (IMHO):
< 5 Not up with the competition.
5 - 6 Average.
7 - 8 Above average.
> 8 An exceptional piece
PERSONAL SCORING FACTORS (IN ORDER OF MY PRIORITIES):
GRAB FACTOR: How quickly am I involved in the action? Do I have direction?
PLOT: Is the story engaging? Is subject interesting? Varied conversation choices?
CHARACTERS: Are they easily identifiable? Are they rounded/memorable?
SPELLING & GRAMMAR: Is the text easy to read? Are there quite a few errors?
OTHER FACTORS (MINOR INFLUENCE): Design for atmosphere & scenery, including sounds & props. Quality of module stability; does it break easily? _________________________ World of Althéa Blog: Link
Posted by Arik at 2006-03-12 05:12:01 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
Thanks for all the delightful comments, all of you. I know the start is a little slow, but I hope it all contributed to the curve of the buildup.
re: NullthraBloodeye - I know, guilty as charged. My excuse for lack of descriptions and journals is, as ever, that the word count was already getting a little high, and these two areas are often not looked at - hopefully the characters came across well enough in the dialogue, and the lack of journal entries was hopefully not inappropriate for the situation and the mood. As for sounds, I'm afraid I wasn't familiar enough with the NWN toolset to find appropriate ones, so I just left the ambient sounds on. I hope it came across O.K :)
Posted by NullthraBloodeye at 2006-03-11 07:32:46 Voted 7.75 on 03/11/06
Good opening, above average writing. No journals, no npc descriptions and no sounds. I felt several words could have been changed to fit a more medieval time period and setting. Player responses were good and overall a fairly decent module. TY
Posted by Kenrae at 2006-03-03 11:31:32 Voted 8.50 on 03/03/06
Very good. Better than it seemed at first.
Posted by Aelin at 2006-03-02 04:42:03 Voted 8.50 on 03/02/06
While I was playing this module, the long walk in the woods really surprised me: the area had to be the same, I knew it, but at each transition there was something new! Fantastic, even if for some few moments I truly felt lost in the woods.
Really an excelent use of scripting (but this not influence the vote).
The story could seem a bit bland and slow, but what else can I pretend going to picnic during a baby-sitting job? :)
Dialogs sound natural, Perry's personality is well described and the mute communication with the statue is really good.
Sunny and Felicity seem two different NPCs, but they act and speak as one, and I think this save you to have too many characters for the contest rules.
Good job.
Posted by Maerdicul at 2006-03-02 00:04:26 Voted 9.25 on 03/02/06
dialogue was nice although child sometimes sounded a bit too adult, even for haughty, well-educated nobility. the confrontation at the end kinda reminded me of "old school" text adventure games for some reason ... nice use of object placement and corresponding descriptions to create foreshadowing. pacing was good with a slow but gradual buildup. i liked the alternate endings.
Posted by Kirian at 2006-03-01 08:17:23 Voted 8.75 on 02/23/06
Oh nice, we have similar taste, Arik! Into the Woods and The Isle are in my top 3 as well. I haven't played the other two you mention, but now they will be first on my play list!
By the way, I seem to remember that I rated your own module pretty favorably too ;)
Posted by Arik at 2006-02-26 03:28:31 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
Thank you for the kind words, Kirian Sia and Brougham! It's good to know when a plot comes together.
As far as breaking up the walking goes, that's where I cut slightly less that 2000 words from - there were originally 2 more interjections from Perry as you walked. They weren't very economical in terms of wordage, and I think that I managed to get Perry's personality across as it is, but I may put up the "director's cut" version once the contest is over.
Posted by Sia at 2006-02-25 14:27:32 Voted 8.75 on 02/25/06
Spoiler warning:
I liked this module the best of all the ones I've played so far. (Which, admittedly, is only around a dozen.) The plot was original and surprising. I thought Perry was a convincing spoiled noble child, just haughty enough to make his rank clear without being unlikeable. The scene at the tree helped him considerably -- he might've been too snotty without it, but it gave him a certain amount of childish charm. The wall of trees that appeared after I reached the "picnic spot" was a great touch. That was the point at which I really felt worried.
(end of spoilers)
The dialogue, in general, was natural sounding and had a fair number of player choices that -- unlike in so many modules, were things I would actually want to say. There were a couple of bugs in the dialogue, (Talking to Sunny triggered the conversation with Felicity instead, for some reason.) but they were pretty minor.
The only problem I really had with this one was the length of time that elapses before things really start. I didn't count the transitions I walked through to reach the picnic spot, but it seemed as though, between the first conversation with Perry and reaching the end, there was a lot of just. . . walking. That was, perhaps, problematic in a short story like this. I think Perry's one-line comments helped a little, but it would have really helped to get some different conversations with him (even if they were only one different initial node with the same, "Can we stop here?" options for each transition) at some of the locations besides just the tree and the campfire.
Overall, I thought this was a solid piece. Nicely done.
Posted by Kirian at 2006-02-23 06:42:53 Voted 8.75 on 02/23/06
I played this mod despite of the fact that I found the title unappealing, and I must say: charming! Very well done, and very well written. I would not have minded a bit more explanation of what the statue actually was and what it was doing there, but on the other hand, it is not necessarily bad to leave things to the player's imagination.
Damn, that kid's got some good legs! I thought he'd never stop! :) I disagree with others that the walking was 'tedious'; I thought, in fact, that it was funny and functional: it imparted a mixed feeling of annoyance (with the kid - but that's how kid's are) and foreboding ('something's not right here').
Posted by Arik ( 143.52.xxx.xxx ) at 2006-02-23 04:08:29
Oh, I agree completely. I'm buzzing over with ideas about how I could have created a more focused module. The background is a nice mislead, but not really necessary - I could have easily just dropped the PC in there and simply said it was an escort mission. It would also have also perhaps have been interesting to get rid of the statue - earliest part of the design though it was - and had the PC have to negotiate with the children as they were (and perhaps had some more non-speaking children turn up, just to hang around and create an ominous feeling).
Alternatively, I could have kept the setup and had the neverending forest as a curse placed by someone who wished the boy harm, with the player's later interaction with the statue as a means of breaking the curse. I guess that's the problem with hindsight though - there are just too many possibilities!
Posted by Brougham at 2006-02-21 14:43:22 Voted 8.50 on 02/21/06
The quest is not very heroic and so too the action. But you have good writing skills to put toward more meaty plots in the future. Promising.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-02-21 07:32:51 Voted 8.00 on 02/20/06
I must add that I was surprised that the final part of the module had no connection with the background you provided. Although it fits well with the sidequest concept, I have the impression that you could "recycle" a part of the word limits to provide more flesh to this quest.
Posted by Arik at 2006-02-21 01:21:33 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
10 votes! Cheers guys. Thanks for the comment on the closing conversation herrjeff - it's good to know how well that bit was working. It was pretty tough to write.
Posted by herrjeff at 2006-02-20 21:02:44 Voted 8.00 on 02/20/06
Funny module, which first part would be better implemented in a larger area instead of the slighty changing forest. Perry's dialogs provided a good overview of his personality.
The final part was a bit repetitive, which makes it hard to follow the options provided. Interesting use of non-verbal language though.
Posted by Quillmaster at 2006-02-16 12:44:46 Voted 8.25 on 02/16/06
There was some good solid writing here that captured the personalities of the children quite nicely. Although there was heavy script use, I don't see this as a reason to downgrade you, I just won't give you a bonus for it that's all. I see no problem in utilising scripts - I think it's important a potential writer understands the capabilities of the tools at his disposal, after all, limitations may effect the route a story can take. Understand however that I wouldn't give someone a lower mark whose conversations were of the same quality simply because they didn't use scripts.
Having said all that, I did feel it lost a little something toward the end. I felt that the story lacked a little cohesion despite its promising start.
It was undeniably good though, a very worthy effort that made the best of the limitations we'd been set with. Having said that, I did feel the transitions were a little cheeky, and perhaps in that respect your scripting skills could be seen as giving you an unfair advantage over others.
Nice work, well done. _________________________ View my blog regarding the Relbonian Chronicles project --> Link
Posted by Arik at 2006-02-14 01:41:43 Voted 8.50 on 04/23/06
Mike - what spec PC do you have? I've tried Cakewalk on some pretty low-end systems and the tree barrier etc worked fine.
As I mentioned before, I think using multiple maps would have had a very different effect - this way, the player ends up questioning whether or not he's actually going anywhere. You make a good comment about different class support - there were originally some "I'm a tracker, and this isn't right" lines before the cuts, but then I was trying to create a generic (non D&D) fantasy setting, as per the rules. I guess we have different ideas about what's in the spirit of the contest. :)
I'd have preferred it if the module had been marked exclusively on the writing, but I guess if the scripts really did get in the way of your enjoyment then I can't complain too much. Enjoy the contest!
Posted by MikeLM9215 at 2006-02-13 21:09:34 Voted 6.50 on 02/13/06
Want to give more but feel rules violation despite attempting to find loop holes. This is a script-driven module. Without the scripts it falls apart. Couldn't the kid have just moved from one area of the map to another without leaving? First try couldn't get trees to trigger so started combat just to see if I could. I could. The tree barrier nearly froze up my computer. Would like to see this with multiple maps, characters (including ranger), etc. _________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Posted by savage.carrot at 2006-02-11 23:35:18 Voted 8.75 on 02/11/06
Interesting module that caught my attention, original premise, and I felt the writing was quite enjoyable. Overall, the ending should maybe have had a more satisfying resolution, but it's already been mentioned. Good work.
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