While I can understand your point about feeling that giving all sorts of extra motivation would be wasted in this contest, I don't agree with it. Part of any good story is giving the player options which they would like to select and still letting them play through. Frankly, I didn't want to help this girl and I selected options which I would actually pick in real life. This however ended the conversation and would not allow me to play through to any of the endings. I guess my advise to you here is that you really should make an attempt to appeal to as many players as you can with as many different motivations as you can. It is interesting to me to hear that you didn't try to convey any of the feelings I had towards your game. I suppose we see what we want to see. Still, it really seemed to me that you were pointing in that "reality is a point of view" direction. Either way, don't rock the boat on that cause that is the part I liked the most about your game! Good job all around.
Posted by Tsui at 2006-03-0109:47:49
charonalpha, I tested thegeorge?s suggestion and it works. It?s also very simple, so I?d be very happy if you tried it. The only expansion content I used was the portrait for one of the characters, and it really doesn?t matter too much (if it?s from SoU you can replace it with the ?hu_m_02_? portrait or something, so you won?t have to talk to a giant, shinning white square). I would have uploaded a vanilla version myself, but I don?t know if that?s allowed. Gilthonym, I just can?t tell you how much I appreciate you comment. Having 43 downloads with no feedback whatsoever was very disappointing and I was beginning to wonder if it?s just too horrible to mention or something like that. Finding out that there is at least one person out there that ?got it? was quite a relief (or, in short, ?No, thank you?). Also, I?d like to thank anyone who played it, and especially those who voted. Specifically I?d like to thank thegeorge and herrjeff for mentioning it on the writing contest recommendations thread. And now ? Spoilers ?n? Stuff. I?ll start with the most common criticism ? the lack of choices. I can?t say I don?t agree. I think that the main reason it happened is that I greatly underestimated the length certain parts would grow to (namely the painter?s introduction and explaining the two ?solutions?), and so instead of requiring two or three nodes they became a series of about ten nodes with nothing but ?continue? or single-choices between them. Other than that it was mostly due to word count and deadline, and I agree I should have expanded these parts. If anyone can tell me of places where they wanted to say something specific and couldn?t (like herrjeff?s idea) I?d be grateful. herrjeff, presenting the girl with both options is an interesting idea that I didn?t think about. Perhaps I should have allowed it, but even in that case the girl would have to avoid the responsibility and leave the choice with the player. One reason is that if the player isn?t making the choice it weakens the story?s effect greatly (I think), and another is that if the girl chose one over the other it would harm the symmetry I was trying to keep. For the same reason I avoided alignment shifts ? I don?t see one option as being ?good? and the other ?evil?, and even if I did I wouldn?t want to force this interpretation on the player. My point of view is that they are not that different from each other, and I didn?t want to imply otherwise. Dnl_Jms_Frwrd, what you said about the painter rather surprised me. It might be helpful if you can explain why you think that. Maybe it?s because I had too much to say about him that had very little to do with the ?quest? (and so I said some bits of it and fell between the chairs), or maybe he is just more stereotypical. Kirian, I can understand why you found the solutions too drastic, but I thought they fit quite right. The unwritten agreement between the game and the player, signed when the girl first explains her problem, clearly states (or so I hoped) that things of that nature are to be expected. In other words ? unrealistic, dramatic and drastic problems call for unrealistic, dramatic and drastic solutions? As for the ?therapy? solution ? that would have been the easy way out, and in the scope of the competition I could not find a way to make it hard enough to justify the warm, fuzzy felling. If this was a part of a larger module I would definitely have included a ?therapy-type? solution, but the player would have to work much harder for it. emperorzog, much of what you said concerns the character?s motivation to get involved. To be completely honest you are right ? unless he is a Good Samaritan, a curios fellow or a mean, scheming bastard he has close to none. Following the ?side quest? guideline I decided not to concern myself with making sure every character imaginable will have a reason to get involved, rewards, and other strings that are normally needed to tie side quests to a bigger game. These things seem, to me, counterproductive when used out of place. For example, I would feel silly writing and scripting dialogue options about rewards when the player has absolutely nothing to do with it, since the game ends with that quest (kind of like getting xp reward for killing the game?s Big Bad). The real motivation at work here is of the meta-gaming variety and is the player?s interest to see (or experience) the story. I found it acceptable considering the format of the contest. All in all I think this is a matter of personal taste, and I?m sorry it was not to your liking. I?m very glad to see that it resonated with you, especially because my interpretation of it is very different from yours. It?s interesting (and somewhat humbling) how someone can find in it things I did not intentionally put there. I have no idea what to make of it, but it sure is interesting?
Posted by emperorzog at on02/28/06
I was drawn to look at your story by how well it is done so far. I have to say after having played it though that I was let down. Not because of your writing, or your imagination, but because it is a game. I will attempt to point at what I enjoyed and then to point out how I think you could have done a better job. First, you are a very imaginative writer who makes good use of language. Your story is very different from any other I have played so far and you earn major points with me for that. The downside to me though is the girl herself. Frankly, she is a real B#@*! I assume you are trying to convey her sense of being hopeless and her bitterness at her situation. If that is the case you should offer some sort of reward for the player to help her. If my character is not just some good Samaritan then I have no reason to aid her at all. In fact, even if I was a nice guy I wouldn't likely help her because she is so rude to me. That is a real flaw in the story for me. Give me a reason to be part of the story. Sadly, in your story I didn't really have one. I also had a number of occasions where I had only a single dialogue option and that is a problem for me. I like variety and sometimes I felt like I didn't have it. I notice only two endings and while this counts as multiple resolution it is just so. I would have liked to see more ways to conclude it. I did not agree with the other voters about not having a satisfactory way to end the module. I thought you did a good job of conveying that reality is a point of view. Dreams are only another form of reality. What is real? Only ever what you perceive to be so. I very much agree with that notion in my own life so your story resonated with me on that level. I think you have a very solid idea that came off a little lacking in the execution. With some more work on it though, this could have been a really great piece.
Posted by charonalpha at 2006-02-2620:41:40
With all these great comments, I wish I could play the mod, but I don't have Shadows of Unrentide :(
Posted by Althernai at on02/26/06
That was... deeply disturbing. A mod without anything even vaguely near a happy ending. But it is quite unique and the writing is very good.
Posted by Kirian at on02/26/06
Beautiful and sad. Both options presented to 'solve' the problem where horrible. They made for good drama, but they were way too drastic to be viable if I really had the choice. The poor girl just needs some therapy to cope with her problem, for gods sake! ;) Still, a worthy entry; one that managed to touch me.
Posted by MikeLM9215 at on02/25/06
Very interesting. Very good writing. Two good endings. Perhaps unique to contest. _________________________ The road to Ravenloft is paved with good intentions.
Posted by TheSupremeForce at on02/25/06
This is a very creative piece of work, and far too impressive to have so few votes.
Posted by Dnl_Jms_Frwrd at on02/24/06
Of all the modules I?ve played thus far this one did the best job of hooking me into the situation right from the very first line of dialogue. Beyond that, I thought that the story was superbly surreal and strangely elegant, in a minimalist kind of way, and that the characters were unique and memorable. My only problem with it was that I didn?t find the painter as fully formed or emotive as the other two, but that was only because the girl and the executioner were so compelling rather than him actually being inadequate.
Posted by herrjeff at on02/16/06
Excellent module, with developed NPCs, consistent dialogs and a good scope of options that leads to a difficult choice (I would suggest to add an alignment shift though). Word count permitting, this mod could be improved by allowing the PC to request a reward for his actions. The girl should be allowed to know there are two solutions, rather than limiting the PC to present only one choice. Also, as indicated before, some replies would be linear if the PC fails an INT check, and would eventually lead to the same conclusion.
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